These Phrases shared by My Parent That Rescued Us when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of being a father.

Yet the truth rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a good spot. You require some help. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to open up between men, who often hold onto negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I feel like my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."